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Monday, 31 July 2017

Boudicca moments

There are Boudicca moments, when glimpses of energy and clarity appear briefly, and I feel I should have an axe in my hand to deal with this contracts manager of the building company I'm using for this big house refurb project. They sent great workmen, but the contracts manager is a master of obfuscation and passive aggression. Instead, I stay cool and send firm but polite emails. We are not "going all the way". The plan was to do this whole refurb with this company, but it is not to be, and I am calling a halt in the next month. Gathering trades and craftsmen to finish this house over the next six months, I feel back in control of the increasingly slippery budget.

This is about the only thing I am vaguely in control of currently. Off to Germany to a specialist clinic, one of Dr Klinghardt's satellite clinics, who specialise in chronic illness, neurotoxins, lyme, mercury and autism. Having hopped to India and back in three days on a foreshortened trip in November when well, this will be a challenge for a women who currently can make it to the village shop, all of a mile away, every five days. Same with the shower. Increasingly whiffy with hair standing up in strange shapes, it would be hard to explain to anyone how I manage, somehow, to continue to deal with builders but not have the energy to get in the shower.

As soon as you google "mercury toxicity" stories on the internet, you will tap into long tales of misery and illness. What I find tragic is those who are young, having their late teens and twenties totally screwed up by ill health. I've been lucky to have had seven years of good health sandwiched between eleven of intermittent dodgy health under the umbrella of "M.E" chronic fatigue, thyroid, lyme. But under it all...Mercury.

This time I've become more interested in the ancient Alchemy of Mercury, seen as the Feminine to Sulphurs Masculine, together a Divine Union. Sulphur in the form of garlic and thiols etc is needed to bind with mercury to get it out of the body. Instead of raging at mercury, I've come to see it as something that wants to be free, no more trapped in me, than I want it in my body. She was the only element who "refused to take up a final fixed form on the earth following creation". Visions of free flowing silvery rivers...pounded and compressed into a mix with Tin (Tin! she'd hate tin) and jammed into the teeth of humans.

So, she's taken the initiative and seems to spontaneously release now when I have craniosacral treatment, and again recently when a friend stayed, and did remedial geopathic stress work on the site I'm living on. You'll have to google that. The out building I'm living in turns out to be on a badly geopathically stressed line. I felt great for twenty four hours after, then I could feel a big mercury release happening. It is ongoing. This is a good thing, as long as I can keep pace with binding it up with chlorella. The chlorella is vilified and poorly understood in some chelation circles who use other protocols, ones I have done in the past before realising I still had an amalgam filling in my mouth. No one should ever try chelating, getting mercury out, while they still have amalgam in.

Whilst keeping pace with this, it does result in extreme fatigue, depression and some brain fog. I can really notice now that when mercury is moving, I want to shoot myself permanently in the head, and when it clears, I feel happy. No wonder it's the cause of what they used to call Mad Hatter disease, from the mercury that hat makers were exposed to.

I have become used to lying to the workmen when they turn up on Mondays. "Had a nice weekend love, what'did'ya do love?". This initially was followed by my blank face. Now, I tralalala, "oh, hanging out with friends, visiting family, y'know". In reality its "I stumbled about looking for things I've lost, gathered up possessions I have left in strange places, forgot to feed the chickens, tried to do some business stuff".

I still run, in a haphazard manner, previously efficiently, a small holiday accommodation business. So, I paid an employee but actually paid her husband, then paid myself instead of her, sent an invoice to the wrong person, put the wrong dates on someone else booking, made lots of excuses to all these people for late responses, ran out of food because I couldn't get to the shop, and am too proud to ask family who are busy to get food, thought about having a shower, spent two hours weeping, read books, lay on the sofa, thought a lot about shooting myself.

I have six months worth of paper work un-filed, as are my yearly accounts, which is not "me". Post builds up for three weeks at a time. I have learned to live with this. No-body-died.

"Oh, lovely weekend then" "Yes"

Then it clears for a while and Boudicca comes in. This resulted in me booking a two week riding holiday in a wild part of Mongolia end of next summer, on the basis that if I'm not much better they can strap me to the underside of a Yak and cart me about. It's my favourite kind of trip, roughing it. At least no one will care if I haven't washed for days there!

Am I angry at the dentist who caused this? who spent an hour drilling through amalgam exposing me to a huge amount of mercury vapour, so often the cause of this. No, not any more. It is nineteen years ago. You can't stay angry that long. I did go and see her a year later when I realised this was the cause of the sudden plummet into ill health. Prior to that I was working part time, doing a degree, circuit training, running a family home with two children just into their teens, cycling twelve miles into work sometimes, just because I loved to cycle on a spring morning, digging over a huge organic vegetable plot. Full of beans and full of life.

The week after the dental work happened, weird rashes appeared, chest infections, weird digestive stuff started, thyroid lump appeared as did a flock of lipomas. I thought I might be turning into one of those warty dinosaurs. Then the crashing fatigue. I did go and see her once I realised mercury was the problem. Told her she'd totally f****ed my life up. She looked blank. Maybe her brain is shot to pieces too? Dentists have a high suicide rate and studies show them and their dental nurses well loaded with mercury.

So why is this allowed if it is so dangerous? Mercury amalgam fillings were invented in 1819. By 1830 numerous problems were reported. This extract from a holistic dentist site explains.

> The American Society of Dental Surgeons denounced the use of amalgams due to concerns about mercury poisoning. Members of the society were required to pledge to avoid the mercury amalgam fillings. But many dentists continued using amalgams, since they were cheaper, faster and easier to place than gold materials.

1859: The pro-mercury amalgam faction in America formed its own dental society, first called the National Dental Association; it was later re-named the American Dental Association (ADA).<

It's cheap. Simple as that. It made Dentists a lot of money in the drill n'fill years. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but this won't come into the mainstream as an issue until that drill n'fill generation have died off.

So, if you are now freaking out about amalgams you may have, firstly I would say if you are well, leave well alone, or do your research really really well, and have money to deal with it.  If you want to deal with them, there are protocols for removal and chelation. Research Dietrich Klinghardt and Andrew Cutler. Cutler has a big online following, who can be less than open to other modalities. In truth, there is more than the one proverbial way of skinning the cat. If you have any kind of chronic fatigue, auto immune problems, neurological problem, lymes then you would do well to research mercury toxicity. It is fat soluble and has an affinity for the brain, so it's tricky to get out. Do it wrong or too much at once, with not enough preparation, you are going to get much sicker.

So why didn't I get rid of the mercury all those years ago when I knew about it, you may ask. I thought I had. I though I had safe and total removal of all amalgams in 2000. This was a different and supposedly holistic dentist. With hindsight, there weren't enough precautions taken and she left one in. I did some chelation, fortunately not much, in the belief all amalgams were out. I then over the next five years developed hypothyroidism, intermittent chronic fatigue and lymes disease.

I researched and treated the lyme, got well 2006 and was pretty well until 2014. The last three years have been a mystery until a month ago, with illness and extreme fatigue for six months of the year. So, I really am one of the lucky ones. I know what's wrong. The clinic in Germany hopefully can find what else may be wrong, as mercury brings many friends to the party. I may still have lyme, who knows. I'm hoping this clinician can help. Mostly I haven't found the right help. It would be good to have an objective outsider with the right knowledge who can assess this, because I have had to do so much research myself. My medical sciences degree in herbal medicine has enabled me to research it all pretty well, but I've had it really with endlessly having to get myself through this stuff.

There are improvements with taking mercury binders. I no longer have the three year old mild tremor in my right hand. I no longer have my fingers flying up off the keyboard of the computer, like a puppeteer has control of them, I no longer have the mouse jerking about under my hand like some old black and white movie flicker frame. Neurologically things are better. I no longer have extreme brain fog. I just feel poisoned and weak and exhausted. Hard to explain. It's like you slept in a room where a car engine had been running all night whilst getting over flu.

But, this time next year, realistically, I hope to be well enough to do that trip. It's something to aim for. The worst that can happen is I have to cancel. The best that can happen is I'll be doing something I love again, being physically active, washed or un washed, and with horses and people, having fun!

Meanwhile, the upstairs ceilings are now deemed to need to come down. This would have had me weeping a year ago. Now, cavalier, "who needs ceilings, sure, take 'em down baybeeee" . Long post. If you made it this far, I salute you. If you are sick, I hope it helps you.

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