Still Alive!

Long time. Long time. Lone-Time-No-Blog. The short version is, since my last blog, I sold my house and embarked on a single life and bought this.



A house being eaten by wisteria, and previously occupied by two adults and twenty two dogs. You read correctly. Twenty two dogs. That is a lot of dog pee and poop. Enough to saturate floors, walls and, it turns out, ceiling joists.

I knew it needed a lot of work and money, but not that it would be uninhabitable.
I live in the garage. It's a very nice garage (I like saying that to shock people) as most of it was insulated and converted. Adding in a shower, loo, sink has meant I can live well here, with two dogs in a small space. Conveniently, I can turn the portable induction hob down whilst sitting on the loo. Small space living. It was an interesting moment when we had a flea infestation. Dealt with by neem, essential oils and diamataceous earth. The mildly funky odour in here is like a moroccan steam room used only by dogs.

From last June to December I was well. Hurrah! and thinking that I'd cracked it by having the teeth work done. This time was spent, energy returned, emptying twenty four years worth of family home. Many trips with my trailer to the dump and charity shops. I interviewed builders, sucked my teeth, had plans drawn up. Apart from the heart break of ending my relationship (far too much wine drunk. Far too much time clinging to Tree friends in the garden, weeping, until even the Walnut whispered "it's done") it was a productive, energised time.

Moving into the Ark (the garage. but it's keeping me and dogs afloat in lieu of a house) mid December, with no water connection, but water in the house and a bath there, I immediately started that slow slide into ill health, which has been the pattern the last three years. Quite happy in many ways though, trogging over to the ark with watering cans for the loo, sleeping in all my jumpers and hats. Peace.

Gradual slide from February into increasing ill health, brain fog, huge fatigue, and depression.  Not so happy. Didn't see Magical Horse for months. Had a Christmas Card from her saying "Quite happy without you in herd. Get your shit together, you human you. Bring Hay".

Thyroid results were bad. Anti bodies high. Building project started but I had no brain to look at the figures. All a bit grim really. I've come to realise most people are happy when you say you have depression. They can get their heads around that. They can't really get their heads around you telling them about thyroids, auto immune and chronic fatigue. That has to be a solitary journey.

I decided to do two things. Firstly I started the autoimmune protocol diet. It's easier to say what can be eaten: lots of offal, veg (but no solanacea) fruit. No seed spices, grains, eggs, dairy. My fridge has been looking like an abbatoir for weeks now, but funnily I don't get sick of eating liver and kidneys for breakfast, lunch and supper.

Nettle has again been helping me. Her seeds. The best kidney, adrenal and thyroid tonic there is. Tricky to get down. Patience. Sieving then grinding then putting in water seems to do it.

The second thing was to get some help. This took energy, from my permanent residence on the sofa with barely the energy to shower most days, I found a cranio sacral therapist. Upon treatment, I became much worse and felt very very poisoned and as if mercury was pouring out of my mouth.

With this came one of the answers. When they did all the teeth work last year, they found one remaining mercury amalgam. It was mercury exposure nineteen years ago which triggered all my cfs etc, having been fit and fine before then. I thought it dealt with. There is a reason that Mercury is know as "The Great Trickster". Re reading research, it is about six months after the last amalgam is removed, that mercury starts leaching from deeper tissues and bites you on the arse again. Because of everything that happened last year, I hadn't stopped to think about mercury. So, despite feeling poisoned, my brain was working again. I started to take chlorella about ten days ago, which binds mercury, and felt a lot better and the depression lifted. Alleluhia!

So, its going to be a road now. Mercury detoxification. They reckon at least two years with a mercury protocol minimum for healing. Needs careful handling, and I am trying to find the help I need. I have found that most people want you to "go to the doctor". Heavy metal toxicity and environmental illness are way outside the reach of conventional medicine. Again, this has to be a solitary journey.

The house very much mirrors my journey, on all levels, at this stage in my life. Stripped out. Dangerous wiring removed (nails in live wires? rats nests under floors?), areas of rotten timber frame exposed. But...she is structurally sound. She has held up. Made of mud, a clay lump house, she is of this land, this place and still she stands. This despite two sets of DIY wiring owners, removal of support stud wall enthusiasts, who also put in a saniflow toilet upstairs,  to drain through the roof of an extension, where the pipes freeze up. If they make it to their destination, they go into broken drains, which run back under the house. And so on.

But no regrets. This is a special place, up a back road where, if a car goes past, my two neighbours and I rush out and gawp in amazement. If Miss Haversham had a garden, this would be it. Birdsong everywhere. A peaceful healing energy pervades the whole place. Roses and yet more roses. Willow trees to weep under. And a well, a beautiful Tudor brick well, with sweet earth tasting water in it. I've only sipped it. It hasn't been tested yet. No doubt its high in agricultural phosphates as this is an intensive farming area. But it is beautiful, clear and bright. As shall I be.

All is well. All is well. All is well.