The dogs rejoice in a "sofa day", two Jack Russells, brother and sister, Boy Dog is particularly well suited to his role. He likes a bit of a death bed.
I am starting to trust all this a bit more though. I have always trusted the Divine to get me through, but probably not myself. Those who have had thyroid, or chronic fatigue issues will know well the terror of slipping into that again, not knowing if this time you'll get out of it. Not knowing whats wrong and how to "fix it" too, are a big ongoing stress.
I've had a few bouts of this in the last seventeen years. This blog is part of fessing up to that, and not ignoring. Mostly I've been well (as long as you don't count the total of about three years with thyroid, mercury, Lymes…). I've had this image of the venus fly trap. You know, when you feel like the fly thats just been caught and is slipping inexorably into the bottom of the plant. The joy though when you start to escape, improve, get better, climb out of the fly trap.
But this time, its a big healing I feel, deep in my soul. I did a lot of Ancestral healing work, which resulted in Blessings, which resulted in plunging into the Venus fly trap again (thought: maybe illness is really the Venus love trap, the trap of lack of self love). This time though, I feel I have got to the bottom of things. That may be a rash statement. Thus, it is a healing.
This all started with teeth. Bad management of by Dentist. Say no more. Seventeen years later I have had specialist work done to remove root canal tooth, all wisdom teeth, a lingering mercury amalgam (even though supposedly they were all "safely" removed by another dentist sixteen years ago) (mercury is not my friend) and about five areas of jawbone infection crunched out.
It's not been a quiet spring!
But as soon as the work was done, I could feel a big shift. So, I'm on the up, trying to stabilise my thyroid and recover my strength, energy and stamina.
What's helping: The love and support of my man and family, dogs, good friends, NATURE, SUNSHINE, sleep, tiny walks, avoiding most supplements, good whey powder, raw milk kefir, kombucha, juicing Mother Nettle, Beetroot, Cleavers and Lemon Balm, decoctions of ribwort, ginseng, oat tops, sarsaparilla, echinacea, milk thistle. Strong chicken bone broth, celtic sea salt as a sole in spring water, probiotics, past life therapy, crystal and sound healing, shamanic work
I was well enough to go and see magical horse the other day. Fortunately she is looked after by someone, so I haven't had to worry about her. She, of course, was not particularly pleased to see me. I haven't had her long enough or done enough with her to establish that bond yet.
All of November last year, full of energy, I worked with her most days, learning the Natural Horsemanship Parelli way. The idea is we'll develop a partnership, and that was coming. Now, we're back to square one it feels. Fidgetting , and stamping her back hoof (her preferred way of letting me know she's unimpressed) and generally having a "f*** you" attitude. She knows. She shoots me a look that implies "weakling" and she also knows I'm ridiculously intimidated by a person at the yard, resulting in me giving off pathetic victim vibes. This intimidation victim thing hasn't happened like this since I was about six. More lessons for me.
Sometimes I question if I did the right thing, getting this young Arabian mare, un-backed the wrong side of fifty five (me not her)(she may be fifty five before I get this right). Sometimes I think this Magical Horse and me thing is never going to come right. Mostly deep in my core I trust this. She and I are going to work it out, and I am going to learn a lot through her. Thats the script anyway at the moment.
She's only six and not been handled much before, so we'll see. She has to have "wolf teeth" out this week….if its not me, its the horse…. bloody teeth!